For fun, I tell people I’m a scientist, working in fictional humorous fields:

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Etymological Entomologist — Studies Book Worms

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Question: Spencer the Sociable Spirit and his 5 friends — Casper, Wendy, Hot Stuff, Spooky, and Pearl — all want to sit on a fence post. How many rails and posts does the fence need so they all can sit on a fencepost at the same time?

Answer: 5 rails and 6 posts. Every fence has 1 more post than rails.  Confused?  Imagine a fence with only one rail ( it looks like this: |-| ).   See? Two posts has one Rail. Similarly 3 posts has 2 rails: |-|-| and so on…

This is known in Phantasmological Mathematics as the “Spence Ghost Problem”. (That’s a joke, son. Don’t get it? See Fencepost Problem) *

In America we celebrate diversity by treating everybody the same.

BP’s latest attempt to stop the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico (from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/01/bp-criminal-investigation_n_596626.html ):

Gigantic shears will cleave off the far end of the riser while a diamond cutter, lowered on top of the blowout preventer early Tuesday, will try to make an even cut through the other end of the tube. A clean cut from the diamond cutter, which resembles a deli slicer, is important because engineers will then lower a heavy cap on top of the sheared-off tube to seal the leak.

In other words, they are going to perform a circumcision, then put a condom on it.

They’ll need an Oil Mohel ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohel — mohel rhymes with “oil” ).  A BP engineer with a deep-sea yarmulke and a knife.

After that, they may need a fluffer ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluffer ) to get the condom on.  Maybe an Oil Goil ( “girl” )?

diamond-studded wire saw operated by a robot got stuck and was later found to be ineffective

In other words, not enough lubrication ( had they no oil? ) and they couldn’t get the condom on to prevent the spillage from spoiling the virgin area.

It looks like they are putting the head of a penis on it, including — uh — a “gusher” out of the slits in the head:

From http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/06/03/VI2010060305275.html :

What should we call the form of government where everybody is free to do whatever they want as long as they don’t hurt somebody else?

Because that’s the government I want.

It sounds great, except the point that keeps tripping me up is the definition of the word, “hurt.”  Some people (you extremists know who you are) are “hurt” when they see other people who don’t believe as they do.  So they want to make laws (or use other forms of coercion) to force the others to believe “correctly.”  Need examples? Inquisition; Holocaust; 9/11; Texas textbooks; Obamacare.

Is neglect “hurt”?  Will this new form of government allow us to neglect others in need, because such neglect is “hurting” the needy?

In the end, I really believe that the form of government is a red herring.  The real issue is how to create people whose moral and critical reasoning are sufficiently developed that the government doesn’t need to exist.  Such people will do what’s needed regardless of the form of government.

But until such people exist, I think we need a strong government to do a few things:

1. Impose freedom (see my first paragraph)

2. Protect people from hurt.

3. Help the needy.

4. Teach moral and critical thinking.

5. Get out of the way wherever possible.

Critics of America’s new health care reform are alarmed that it’s a giant step towards socialism.  I’m OK with that.  American socialism doesn’t have to be like Russian socialism was.  American socialism can be based on the Judeo-Christian ethic of caring for the least among us.  It can be based on compassion, and charity, and just plain old good-neighborliness.

Call it what you will, providing health care insurance to an additional 30,000,000+ people is a Good Thing.

Peace.