In America we celebrate diversity by treating everybody the same.

BP’s latest attempt to stop the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico (from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/01/bp-criminal-investigation_n_596626.html ):

Gigantic shears will cleave off the far end of the riser while a diamond cutter, lowered on top of the blowout preventer early Tuesday, will try to make an even cut through the other end of the tube. A clean cut from the diamond cutter, which resembles a deli slicer, is important because engineers will then lower a heavy cap on top of the sheared-off tube to seal the leak.

In other words, they are going to perform a circumcision, then put a condom on it.

They’ll need an Oil Mohel ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohel — mohel rhymes with “oil” ).  A BP engineer with a deep-sea yarmulke and a knife.

After that, they may need a fluffer ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluffer ) to get the condom on.  Maybe an Oil Goil ( “girl” )?

diamond-studded wire saw operated by a robot got stuck and was later found to be ineffective

In other words, not enough lubrication ( had they no oil? ) and they couldn’t get the condom on to prevent the spillage from spoiling the virgin area.

It looks like they are putting the head of a penis on it, including — uh — a “gusher” out of the slits in the head:

From http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/06/03/VI2010060305275.html :